I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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