Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i love accidental penises.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
