Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
