Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
