Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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