I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
