I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
