Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
