you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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