I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
