K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
