i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
