Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
