Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
