I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
