i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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