You just made me feel so damn special
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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