Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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