at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
