im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
