i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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