All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
