He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
