Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
