everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
