You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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