Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
