I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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