I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
