We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
