maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
