i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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