They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
