if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
