You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
