Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
