I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
