I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
