Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize