I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
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