I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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