Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
