wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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