Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
