no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize