I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
