people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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