"it" just moved
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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