I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
