if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
