I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
