i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
