I want you more than these girls want KFC
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
