Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
