she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
