I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
