Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize