in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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