im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
