I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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