Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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