this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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