Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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