I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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