Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
