Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
