bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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