3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize