i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
