Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
