Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
