also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
