Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize