Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
