So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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