eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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