Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
