Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
