We won't sleep together?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
