your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
