I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
