I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can you bring me the toilet please
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
