does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
