I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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