i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
