i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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