Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
