Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
