You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
