Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
