I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
