took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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