are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
