well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
