So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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