You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize