they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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