the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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