I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
